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7 Self-Help Books To Make You The Best Version Of Yourself

4th August 2020

Health Life

4th August 2020

By Robyn Schaffer

WHY IT MATTERS

Because being open to change can help us grow and develop.

We don’t know about you guys, but we’ve had a lot of time to think over the past few months. And with more time to spare, comes more opportunities to learn, grow, and better ourselves. Whether you want to run faster, lift heavier, eat better, or be more productive, there’s always room for self-improvement in our lives. However, there’s also been lots of noise online and on social media lately, pressuring people to hit certain targets and come out the other side of the pandemic with certain changes in place and targets reached. 

But here at Innermost, we know it’s all about doing you, assessing your individual needs and goals, and blocking out the unnecessary background noise. So with that in mind, we’ve compiled a list of seven of our favourite self-help books if you're looking for practical, helpful advice on self-improvement. Whether it’s for boosting cognitive performance, decluttering and organising your life, or finding a better approach to attaining happiness, there’s something for everyone. But remember - it's all about taking one small step at a time. Let’s get started.

Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person - Shonda Rhimes

From the award-winning creator of Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal, this book by Shonda Rhimes is all about the life-changing power of just saying yes. Too often we say no to things - big or small - out of fear, laziness or apprehension, without knowing that this very attitude itself can be the thing that holds us back and prevents us from growing. A self-confessed introvert, Rhimes uses anecdotes from her own life and experiences as a high-flying producer in Hollywood, being invited to parties, events and media appearances, to demonstrate how continually saying no to opportunities can only serve to stunt your growth, even if you feel safer in the short-term. We recommend this self-help book if you’ve got big ambitions, but want to make more moves outside of your comfort zone.


Outer Order, Inner Calm: Declutter & Organize to Make More Room for Happiness - Gretchen Rubin

In this much-loved self-help book, Gretchen Rubin, bestselling author of The Four Tendencies and The Happiness Project, provides an eye-opening insight into how our inner and outer environments are inextricably linked. When our surroundings and possessions are in order, we’re more likely to feel calm and in order on the inside, allowing us to lead happier, healthier, more productive lives. Rubin gives more than 100 practical ideas and tips for getting started with decluttering and organising your life, so whether it’s your desk, your wardrobe, or your kitchen that’s overflowing with unnecessary mess, you’ll be equipped with a range of tools to turn your life around one step at a time. Clear space, clear mind.


The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck - Mark Manson

You’ve probably seen this one plastered all over the internet or perched on every trendy bookstore bookshelf thanks to its eye-catching name and bold cover. But this self-help book’s about more than just the shock factor. As a former dating coach, Mark Manson has been helping people with their emotional and relationship problems for over 10 years, and this groundbreaking self-help guide is no exception, quickly becoming a cult classic across the globe. This book is all about refuting the idea of ‘just being positive’, something we’re all used to hearing, and instead learning to face up to and deal with all life’s cr*p. Manson argues that once we learn to embrace our faults, fears and anxieties, we can begin to lead a truly more fulfilled life. We love this one for its honest, amusing approach, while still providing practical, helpful tips.

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing  - Marie Kondo

Like Gretchen Rubin, Marie Kondo is another huge advocate for the ‘clear space, clear mind’ philosophy. Despite gaining mainstream notoriety for her Netflix series Tidying Up With Marie Kondo, Kondo has written four self-help books about the importance of organizing which have sold millions of copies worldwide. This book in particular promises to simplify your approach to decluttering and organizing your home so that you never have to worry about it again, and instead you can focus on living your best life with a clear, calm mind in full tact. Kondo’s approach breaks things down category by category, and forces you to ask yourself which possessions in your life truly “spark joy” and which are just contributing to the meaningless, stress-inducing clutter.

Thinking, Fast and Slow - Daniel Kahneman

In this self-help classic, Daniel Kahneman helps us break down the way we think in order for us to better understand how the human brain makes decisions. Kahneman divides the process into two systems: System 1 and System 2. System 1 is fast, intuitive and emotion-driven, while System 2 is slower, more careful and more logical. By breaking things down in this way, Kahneman enables us to see how we can’t always trust our own intuition, and how we can benefit from slowing down our thinking. With both practical tips and insights, and advice on how to prevent ourselves from falling into common mental traps, this book can totally transform the way you think about thinking.

Happy: finding joy in every day and letting go of perfect - Fearne Cotton 

TV presenter and Radio 1 host turned podcaster and author Fearne Cotton wrote this self-help book as “a way to release what’s going on inside your head and to keep heading towards the good stuff. The simple stuff. The stuff that’s going to really hit up that happiness on a deep and nourishing level”. Drawing upon her own experiences with the ups and downs of mental health, Fearne presents readers with real, practical ways of finding joy and happiness in each and every day. The unique thing about this book is the workbook-like elements; with written exercises and visualisations, this one’s all about being interactive in order to help you start making those small changes straight away.


To learn more about Fearne’s Happy Place podcast, read about it in our round-up of top health and wellbeing podcasts here.

Change Your Life in Seven Days: The World’s Leading Hypnotist Shows You How - Paul McKenna 

Brought to you by the number one hypnotherapist in the world, Paul McKenna, this simple self-help book gives you a seven-day plan to help you change your life forever. McKenna explains how success and happiness are not merely things that happen to some people and not to others, but instead that they are products of specific ways of thinking and acting in our everyday lives. Whether it’s boosting your self-confidence, controlling your emotions, or just becoming a healthier and happier person, this book has key strategies and techniques that can be employed straight away, so you can begin to think in the same way as any super-achiever out there.

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How to Beat Imposter Syndrome, According to Experts

How to Beat Imposter Syndrome, According to Experts

Do you ever feel like a fraud at work? Or worry that people won’t love the ‘real’ you? Even when you have evidence that suggests none of the above is true? Then, you could be experiencing imposter syndrome - and, you’re not the only one.  Research shows imposter syndrome is a universal struggle with one review finding that up to 82% of people could be experiencing imposter syndrome and suffer from anxiety, burnout and exhaustion because of it. While imposter syndrome can feel deflating and challenging, the good news is that there are steps you can take to overcome self-doubt and boost self-confidence, so you stop holding yourself back from reaching your full potential To help you leave imposter syndrome behind for good, we spoke to two experts to bring you everything you need to know including how to spot it and how to beat it.  What Is Imposter Syndrome? “Imposter syndrome is the overwhelming feeling of self-doubt or fear of being exposed as a ‘fraud’,” explains Holistic Health & Wellness Coach Christina Calderwood. When we experience imposter syndrome it’s because we believe on some level that our achievements are down to luck or other factors and not our own ability, and we feel unworthy of our success. “Those with imposter syndrome worry that others will eventually uncover the ‘truth’ and see their perceived lack of skill and capability, despite evidence of their success and achievements,” Christina adds.  Signs of Imposter Syndrome Imposter syndrome can show up in different ways and may show up differently depending on the scenario you are in.  For example, imposter syndrome at work can look like questioning if your contributions are valuable and choosing to stay silent out of fear. In friendships it can look like worrying what others think of you and in romantic relationships you might feel you're undeserving of your partner's love and affection. Imposter syndrome often shows up in self-limiting thoughts and beliefs, and the stories we tell ourselves. According to Christina, some of the most common thoughts people with imposter syndrome may have include:  I don't deserve this success, I just got lucky. I'm not as smart or talented as they think I am. I'm afraid they will find out I don't know what I'm doing. I’m afraid they will see the ‘real’ me and not like me for who I really am.  I have to work harder than others to prove myself and achieve my goals. I can't make any mistakes or ask for help, or they will think I'm incompetent.  Why do we experience Imposter Syndrome “Imposter syndrome is more common than we might think and something we may experience at different stages of life,” mindset and confidence coach Francesca Nervegna tells us. With research suggesting that up to 70% of us may experience imposter syndrome in our lifetime, this fear-driven mindset can affect anyone at any time, regardless of their age, gender or profession.  There are many reasons why we may experience imposter syndrome, some of these include striving for perfectionism, our upbringing, facing a new challenge and social comparison.  “Perfectionism is another way that self-sabotage and imposter syndrome can disguise themselves,” explains Christina. “Holding ourselves to unrealistic standards and expectations stops us from going after our dreams, let alone even trying. This happens when we are afraid of failing, of being seen, feeling vulnerable or not feeling as good as others.”  The environment in which we grew up in can also lead us to strive for perfectionism and experience imposter syndrome. “People who grew up in environments with high expectations or where success was often compared to others' achievements may have internalised the belief that they need to constantly prove their worth,'' Christina adds.  Similarly, a big life change that involves taking the leap before we feel ‘ready’, such as a new job or promotion, can trigger self-doubt and feelings of imposter syndrome.  We may experience imposter syndrome when we compare ourselves to others, either those around us or on social media. “The grass may seem greener on the other side, we might think that others are better than us and start to compare ourselves to them and compete with them in our minds,” Francesca adds.  Christina echoes this: “We're constantly bombarded with messages that our worth is tied to our achievements and external validation. The pressure to meet these unrealistic standards can be overwhelming.” Christina believes that social media makes this worse by only showing us the highlights, making it seem like everyone else has got everything together while we are struggling.  Stereotypes can also lead to feelings of imposter syndrome. “Individuals from underrepresented groups may feel added pressure to succeed and represent their group positively, which can contribute to imposter syndrome,” Christina explains. “They might also face implicit or explicit biases that undermine their confidence.” How to beat Imposter Syndrome The first step to beating imposter syndrome is becoming aware of it and identifying that we have self-limiting beliefs. “Once we identify it, we are already one step ahead and we can start working on it,” Francesca explains.  Acknowledge your feelings To start identifying your limiting beliefs and find clarity around why these thoughts or feelings are coming up, Francesca suggests journaling. Once you identify your negative thoughts and the beliefs that fuel them, you can start to work on overcoming them.  Christina suggests using a technique called cognitive reframing, which involves replacing your negative thoughts with more positive and realistic ones.  This could include something like:  I deserve this success because I worked hard for it and I have the right skills and qualifications.  I don't have to know everything, no one does. I can learn from my mistakes and ask for help when I need it. I deserve love and a fulfilling relationship because I offer kindness, respect, and genuine care. I don’t need to be perfect in a relationship; no one is. Celebrate your achievements No matter how big or small, taking time to reflect on your accomplishments and celebrating your achievements will help to shift your mindset and reduce feelings of imposter syndrome. “Create a folder where you list down any positive feedback, milestones and accomplishments, or keep a journal with your successes, big & small. Come back to them whenever self-doubt creeps in,” Christina advises.  Share your experiences Opening up to trusted friends about your experiences may help you to feel less alone, and connect with others around you who are also experiencing imposter syndrome. “Sometimes, just hearing others say they’ve felt the same way can be incredibly validating.” Christina says.  Challenge negative thoughts Whenever you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, such as ‘I’m not good enough’, counter it with evidence that shows you it’s untrue. “Often, you’ll find that the negative thoughts are baseless and you have far more examples of why you are good enough, exactly as you are. “ Christina says.  Francesca often uses positive affirmations with her clients, to help them require their brain and replace old patterns and limiting beliefs with new ones.  “You can also use positive affirmations to rewire your brain and replace old patterns and limiting beliefs with new ones,” Francesca adds. “Your brain will believe anything that you tell it, if you are constantly affirming that you are an imposter and you are not good enough, you will keep believing it. On the other hand, thanks to neuroplasticity, you can reprogram your brain to embrace more positive thoughts and, in turn, boost your confidence.” Shift to a growth mindset Beating imposter syndrome is all about shifting your mindset from striving for perfectionism to embracing growth. “If you are ready to stop self-sabotaging and stop letting your internal dialogue make you feel like an imposter you are going to have to let yourself be imperfect,” says Chrsitna. She adds: “Understand that mistakes and failures are part of life and a fundamental part of the learning process. Remember, courage comes first, confidence follows.”
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From the Bedroom to the Gym: Is Your Sex Life Affecting Your Workout Performance?

From the Bedroom to the Gym: Is Your Sex Life Affecting Your Workout Performance?

The relationship between sex and workout performance is one that’s long been debated by scientists and fitness fanatics alike. It’s complicated and multifaceted, so answering the question of whether your sex life is affecting your training is difficult. That said, today we’re going to take a look at a variety of evidence, both academic and anecdotal, as well as several different scenarios and at least try to reduce some of the mystery around the subject. First, it helps to understand what’s actually happening to the body, both physically and psychologically, during both activities.   The Effects of Sex on the Body Sexual activity causes several changes to occur in the body:   Physical Changes That Occur During Sex During sexual activity and the lead up to it, the human body undergoes a process known as the sexual response cycle. This is the case for both males and females, though the cycle can be highly individual and may not be the same each time for each person. Describing the full sexual response cycle is beyond the scope of this article, however it consists of 4 phases: Desire Arousal Orgasm Resolution Factors such as elevated heart rate, increased blood flow and pressure and heightened muscle tension all come into play. If you’d like to read about the sexual response cycle in more detail, check out this great article from Cleveland Clinic.   Psychological Changes That Occur During Sex Several psychological changes occur both during and after sex. Most notable are the release of endorphins and oxytocin, which are associated with improved mood and a better sense of wellbeing. These are also responsible for reduced stress levels, which brings a multitude of additional benefits that are of particular interest to those of us participating in regular training and exercise. Cortisol, the hormone responsible for stress, is catabolic in high levels, meaning it can cause the breakdown of lean tissue. So, whilst it is unclear whether sex itself affects workout performance, the reduction in stress levels it may bring is definitely beneficial for preserving our results!   The Effects of Exercise and Training on the Body Exercise and training also cause the body to undergo a number of changes. These occur both during and after the physical activity. There are in fact a number of similarities in changes that happen during exercise and sex:   Physical Changes That Occur During Exercise The physical changes that happen in the body vary based on the type of exercise being undertaken, however, there are some that are common to exercise in general: Increased heart rate Increased blood flow, especially to the muscles Faster, deeper breathing due to additional oxygen needs Heightened activity within the circulatory, respiratory, musculoskeletal and endocrine systems A full summary of the changes that occur within these systems can be found here. More aerobically demanding exercise will, of course, place greater emphasis on the circulatory and respiratory systems as well as causing fat to be metabolised as an energy source. Resistance training, which often relies more heavily on the lactate and creatine phosphate energy systems, instead promotes greater muscular and endocrine (hormone) activity. Note the common physical changes between sex and exercise here, as they do crossover!   Psychological Changes That Occur During Exercise The psychological changes that occur during exercise are similar to those experienced during sexual activity and are mostly related to the release of endorphins and other ‘feelgood’ hormones. These help to regulate mood, and it is common knowledge that frequent exercise and leading an active, healthy lifestyle promotes a feeling of wellbeing.   Does Sex Affect Our Workouts? This is where things become complicated. Though extensive studies have been done on the subject, the results of these have varied massively. We must also take into account the experience of individuals, and this anecdotal evidence again has huge variance. Let’s look at both:   Sex and Training: What the Science Says Scientific studies on the relationship between sex and training are contradictory at best. There’s no denying the positive benefits of both activities, particularly from a psychological perspective, but as for the effect of sex on actual performance in the gym the results are inconclusive. A study, published in April 2021, by Kirecci, Albayrak and co. examined the effects of sexual activity of 50 men in the 24 hours prior to training on lower body strength. The study measured effects by having the men perform 3 separate squat sessions, each at the same time of day. Each of these sessions occurred after participating in or abstaining from sexual activity the night before. The men performed 5 sets of 5 repetitions of their maximum squat weight during these sessions and the difference in weight lifted was observed. The study concluded that ‘sexual intercourse within 24 hours before exercise [has a] detrimental effect on lower extremity muscle force, which suggests that restricting sexual activity before a short-term activity may be necessary.’ Aside from this study, most others found either no notable relationship between sex and athletic performance. A meta-analysis of 9 crossover studies, conducted by Zavorsky and Brooks and published on 16 September 2022, confirms this. The analysis concluded that ‘The results demonstrate that sexual activity within 30 min to 24 h before exercise does not appear to affect aerobic fitness, musculoskeletal endurance, or strength/power.’ This is perhaps more notable, because these studies incorporated different types of exercise and were not restricted purely to a strength/power based activity like squats.   Anecdotal Evidence: What About the Experiences of Real Gym Goers? The anecdotal evidence is, as expected, highly individualised. However, there tends to be a bias against the results of most studies, particularly in those participating in sports involving strength and aggression. For example, many fighters claim that they perform better when they abstain from sex in the days leading up to a contest. Similarly, bodybuilding forums are full of debate on this topic and many claim they note a significant decrease in motivation to train at maximum intensity after sexual activity. It has been hypothesised that this may be due to a downregulation in testosterone production after sex; during orgasm the mineral zinc is released in the body and this is also a precursor for natural testosterone production in the body and may, therefore, provide some reasoning as to the experience of many trainees.   Key Takeaways The relationship between sex and workout performance will always be a complicated one. The effects of one on the other in terms of physical fitness and, in particular, mental wellbeing, are clear, but when it comes to actual performance this appears to be highly individual. We’d advise doing what feels best for you but not worrying too much about it. Instead, prioritise your nutrition and make sure you’re fuelling your workouts properly. While you’re here, why not take a look at the Innermost range? We’re proud to be completely transparent about the ingredients in our products and we always ensure they’re of the highest quality. Check us out, and be sure to get in touch if you have any questions!
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